My Book Club of One: Bird by Bird

I miss having a book club. Since moving to the valley, I’ve been a reading club of one.

I did try to get a book club going in the early days, but meetings were rescheduled or hijacked by too much wine and one by one everyone dropped out. It died after a very short run in which I think we might have read four books (none that I remember well except the one about Elon Musk which I had to read while holding my nose).

So, this being my blog, I’ve decided to vent my book club thoughts here. If you care to join me, we’ll be reading Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott.

And, yes, I’ve read Bird by Bird multiple times. At this juncture in my writing life, though, I need it again. It’s not just Lamott’s writing, which slays me every time, it’s the wisdom, the humor, the reassurance that while being a writer is really quite often a pointless, frustrating, sisyphean endeavor, it’s worth it.

This week, I read the Introduction because I love introductions. And I always read them. Always. (You should too. I don’t understand why people skip the introduction. It gives the book context and nothing can be appreciated or understood without context.)

I originally fell in love with Anne Lamott when I read Operating Instructions: The journal of my son’s first year. At the time, my son, Brady, was three months old. I was still in that hollowed out place when motherhood seems impossible and you realize that you were sold a bill of goods when everyone convinced you that having a baby would be the best thing in your life.

Anne Lamott wrote with such honesty, humor, and full-on transparency. She laid it bare – body and soul. She made me laugh and she made me feel like I wasn’t alone and that, maybe, just maybe, I would survive motherhood.

Since then, I’ve read every book she’s written, but Bird by Bird holds a special place. My copy was given to me by a dear friend whose writing I have always admired, even though he does not aspire to be a writer (he’s a great therapist and the funniest person I know, instead). He gave me a first run hard back copy of the book in 1995 and inside the front cover he wrote:

“Cara, You are an angel with a huge, important purpose in this world. This book might help you.”

I’ve known this man for forty years now and his belief in me has always been true (even if misplaced).

The first point Lamott makes in Bird by Bird is that writing forces you to look closely at life (‘as it lurches by and tramps around’).

It is a rare day that I don’t write something, at least in my journal. That gift of attention to life makes life more meaningful. Naming my emotions, fleshing out my experiences, keeps them from zooming by in the blur of days. It gives every moment potential. Conversations, glances, touches, volley around my head while I attempt to grab hold of the ones that meant something, that changed or charged the moment, and pin them to the page. Finding words for them forces me to harvest the meaning behind the moment. It makes every day, every person, every moment matter.

Lamott also writes that, like all of us, she thought ‘being published’ would be so much more than it turned out to be. Every pre-published writer dreams that when their first book comes out they will instantly be famous, financially set, sought after and admired. And while Lamott might be that now, she wasn’t when she wrote Bird by Bird (which I think was her sixth book).

But, she says, while publication is not all it is cracked up to be, writing is. “Writing has so much to give, so much to teach, so many surprises….the act of writing turns out to be its own reward.”

She writes about why we write, quoting John Ashbery who said, “Because I want to.” and Flannery O’Connor who said, “Because I’m good at it.”

And then she unabashedly declares that she writes “Because I want to and I’m good at it.”

Bird by Bird is a summary of what Lamott teaches in her writing classes and workshops (but remember it was first published in 1994 and she may have more to say on the subject now, which is why I hope she’s planning a 30^th anniversary edition).

I love this last quote from the Introduction:

“I tell my students that the odds of their getting published and of it bringing them financial security, peace of mind, and even joy are probably not that great. Ruin, hysteria, bad skin, unsightly tics, ugly financial problems, maybe; but probably not peace of mind. I tell them that I think they ought to write anyway.”

Last weekend I had the opportunity to do some teaching at a writing conference and I recognized that hope in some of the attendees, that errant belief that getting published would make their dreams come true.

I know it won’t, but I do know that writing will make their lives more meaningful. It will stretch their hearts and feed their souls, even as sometimes it also sucks them dry.

But it’s worth it.

I write because I love to and it makes life more meaningful.

Why do you write?

I can’t tell you when the next ‘book club meeting’ will be. Maybe next week, maybe a month from now. Chapter one, Getting Started, is up next.

Hey, thanks for reading. I know you’ve got lots of options, so thanks for sharing a few of your minutes with me.

Honored,

Cara

If you’re a writer (or you wanna be) and you’d like some guidance, editing, accountability, or some good old fashioned encouragement in meeting your writing goals, reach out. I offer one-on-one coaching. Learn more here.

My latest novel, Blind Turn is a mother-daughter story of forgiveness in the aftermath of a fatal texting and driving accident. It won the Womens Fiction category of the American Writing Awards in 2022. Learn more about it and find out how to get your copy here.

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