My Life in Paragraphs

Dialogue with Anne Lamott (and me)

Now, I think I love Anne Lamott more than the average bear. I’ve read everything she’s written, stalk her a bit on Facebook, even listen to the sermons she’s given at random churches throughout the years. But…

Here’s the thing. We teach best what we most need to learn. As a mediocre rider, I learned A LOT teaching riding. As a passionate, but unstructured, often too-wordy writer and struggling, lazy marketer, I am good at teaching writers to write and publish. Because I’ve had to work so hard for it. When something doesn’t come naturally, you have to pick it to pieces to figure it out. If you’re a natural, well, how do you teach that?

Anne Lamott, while a wonderful teacher in many ways, is not the best at teaching dialogue. Why? Because she is a master at writing it. How many times have you read her work and felt like she was talking to you from across the booth at your favorite coffee shop. Or thought, ‘she totally gets it.’ (If you don’t believe me, read Operating Instructions.)

This very short chapter on dialogue is pretty vague with lots of ideas but nothing truly concrete beyond listen to your characters well so that you can make them speak authentically.

She also advises listening to people everywhere in your life and remembering cadences, tones, turns of phrase.

Unless you’re walking around with the recording app going on your phone. Which seems brilliant until you realize you will never actually listen to all that dribble and ums and mundane conversation about the weather and how ‘totally fine’ you and everyone you run into are doing (when in reality you are struggling to make it to lunch time and the freedom to play Match 3 unencumbered on your phone, which will be dead by then because of all that recording).

And, for the most part, we don’t remember the words people say. Instead, we remember the feeling we got from those words.

Another brilliant writer, Maya Angelou, said it best when she said people will not remember what you do, but they will remember how you made them feel.

I’m not saying that reading the chapter on dialogue won’t teach you something. Everything you read teaches you something.

Instead, I’m going to offer you a mini-version of the class I teach on dialogue.

Dialogue is the best way to reveal characters.
Use characters’ names sparingly. We don’t say each other’s names very often in real life. Using a person’s name every other line is awkward (try this in real life).
Use only dialogue tags that are necessary and use primarily “said.” Avoid adverbs at all cost! (if you have to describe how someone said something, then re-think what they are saying. Not to beat a dead horse, but show, don’t tell.)
Read it outloud. If you really want to hear it, read it outloud with someone else. (You can also try using the voice on your computer to read it to you.)
Don’t use dialogue to dump information. (That’s lazy writing.) No soliloquys. People don’t talk like that, and if they did they would have no friends.
You don’t need all the hellos and good byes, or the small talk of real life, it’s boring and drags down the dialogue.
Characters generally sound better and think faster than we do. Be clever and funny, whenever possible.
Punctuate correctly – learn this. Doing it wrong is a giveaway that you are an amateur. There are lots of resources for this – study them.
You don’t have to give complete conversations. That’s too tedious for the reader. Jump in mid-conversation and jump out before it’s completed.
People have distinct speech patterns, but they may be subtle. Kids sound different than adults. Educated sounds different than uneducated. Think about who your characters are – none should sound the same. In fact, once we know our characters we should be able to tell who is talking by the way they talk.
My personal golden rule: Characters don’t waste words. If it doesn’t move the story forward or reveal character, cut it out.

I usually teach that in about 90 minutes with lots of examples and exercises, so if any of it doesn’t make sense, please raise your hand. I’m happy to expound on any of it.

Hey, thanks for reading. I know you’ve got lots of options, so thanks for sharing a few of your minutes with me.

Honored,

Cara

If you’re curious about what else I’m up to, check out my website, CaraWrites.com.

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My latest novel, Blind Turn is a mother-daughter story of forgiveness in the aftermath of a fatal texting and driving accident. It won the Womens Fiction category of the American Writing Awards in 2022. Learn more about it and find out how to get your copy here.

My most recent memoir, 100 Dogs & Counting: One Woman, Ten Thousand Miles, and a Journey Into the Heart of Shelters and Rescues is available anywhere books are sold, but if you’d like some help finding it (or want to read some lovely reviews), click here.

Plot is Born From Characters (Book Club 5, Bird by Bird)

Plot is a sore point for me.

It’s where pantsers and plotters part ways. I have never been able to plot. The times when I’ve plotted out a story before starting to write, it’s felt stilted and uncomfortable and forced. Like doing a homework assignment. Check that rubric – are you hitting all the right notes?

Once I’ve regurgitated what I’d planned, I feel let down. Like I was waiting for this great thing, and it disappointed. The idea seemed so much better in outline form.

Characters: What They Reveal about Us (Book Club Four)

I love this chapter on Characters. Lamott connects it seamlessly to the preceding chapter by saying that characters develop just like polaroids, as you write your story, coming into focus the further you go.

That’s always been true for me. I love being surprised by my characters. Sometimes they don’t turn out to be anything like I first imagined they would be. As my story unwinds, my characters come to life.

Lamott says, “You are going to love some of your characters, because they are you or some facet of you, and you are going to hate some of your characters for the same reason.”

Book Club: School Lunches and Polaroids

I remember the School Lunch chapter from the very first time I read this book. I didn’t get it. Maybe I still don’t. Lamott says school lunches are full of the same longings and dynamics and anxieties for everyone, even if the school setting is different.

Well, maybe it’s an East Coast/West Coast thing, but the experiences she writes about – what was acceptable (bologna, pb&J) mattered and you were ostracized for bringing smelly, wrong things (which often happened if your father made your sandwich)—those didn’t bring any sense of recognition for me. I remember basically zero about elementary school lunch period.

The Inherent Danger in Perfectionism for Writers (and Humans)

This next chapter is a short one (they all are really because Lamott doesn’t mince words). The focus is perfectionism and the danger it poses toward you as a writer.

I would say it poses just as much a threat to you as a person.

Here’s what Lamott writes:

“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft.”

SO true, right?

My personal book club (Meeting 2) and a FREE book just for you!

Welcome back to my personal book club. (don’t worry I’ll tell you about your free book in a moment)

Because the chapters are so short, for this next book club gathering, I’ve covered the first three chapters of Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott.

My Book Club of One: Bird by Bird

I miss having a book club. Since moving to the valley, I’ve been a reading club of one.

I did try to get a book club going in the early days, but meetings were rescheduled or hijacked by too much wine and one by one everyone dropped out. It died after a very short run in which I think we might have read four books (none that I remember well except the one about Elon Musk which I had to read while holding my nose).

Goodreads Makes Me a Better Reader.

Goodreads has made me a better reader.

Maybe it’s my inherent need for a pat on the head, or my competitive nature, but tracking the books I read, my progress through them, my yearly goals, seeing what other people read (and think about what they read) all compels me to read more.

Listening to Your Body Can Make You a Better Writer

I’m sure you will think this has nothing to do with being a better writer, but I will argue that point. In fact, I will argue that it not only will improve your writing, it will improve your quality of life.

It’s nothing new. You already know it. You’ve heard it before. It’s common sense. The problem is it’s not common practice.

Here it is (my version): get enough sleep for your body.

For years, I strived for at least eight hours of sleep. And even though I often woke up at five or even earlier, I stayed in bed and tried to sleep longer, knowing that I would be healthier, happier if I did. It more or less worked for me, but I was young and adaptable.

Stoic Philosophy and Writing

Not long ago I read The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday. The premise is based on stoic philosophy, and the author asserts that the obstacle in your way is the way.

I’ve found myself muttering this phrase while out hiking when I encounter a fallen tree on the trail or while driving when I come upon a tractor plugging up the center of the road.