Dialogue with Anne Lamott (and me)

Now, I think I love Anne Lamott more than the average bear. I’ve read everything she’s written, stalk her a bit on Facebook, even listen to the sermons she’s given at random churches throughout the years. But…

Here’s the thing. We teach best what we most need to learn. As a mediocre rider, I learned A LOT teaching riding. As a passionate, but unstructured, often too-wordy writer and struggling, lazy marketer, I am good at teaching writers to write and publish. Because I’ve had to work so hard for it. When something doesn’t come naturally, you have to pick it to pieces to figure it out. If you’re a natural, well, how do you teach that?

Anne Lamott, while a wonderful teacher in many ways, is not the best at teaching dialogue. Why? Because she is a master at writing it. How many times have you read her work and felt like she was talking to you from across the booth at your favorite coffee shop. Or thought, ‘she totally gets it.’ (If you don’t believe me, read Operating Instructions.)

This very short chapter on dialogue is pretty vague with lots of ideas but nothing truly concrete beyond listen to your characters well so that you can make them speak authentically.

She also advises listening to people everywhere in your life and remembering cadences, tones, turns of phrase.

Unless you’re walking around with the recording app going on your phone. Which seems brilliant until you realize you will never actually listen to all that dribble and ums and mundane conversation about the weather and how ‘totally fine’ you and everyone you run into are doing (when in reality you are struggling to make it to lunch time and the freedom to play Match 3 unencumbered on your phone, which will be dead by then because of all that recording).

And, for the most part, we don’t remember the words people say. Instead, we remember the feeling we got from those words.

Another brilliant writer, Maya Angelou, said it best when she said people will not remember what you do, but they will remember how you made them feel.

I’m not saying that reading the chapter on dialogue won’t teach you something. Everything you read teaches you something.

Instead, I’m going to offer you a mini-version of the class I teach on dialogue.

  • Dialogue is the best way to reveal characters.
  • Use characters’ names sparingly. We don’t say each other’s names very often in real life. Using a person’s name every other line is awkward (try this in real life).
  • Use only dialogue tags that are necessary and use primarily “said.” Avoid adverbs at all cost! (if you have to describe how someone said something, then re-think what they are saying. Not to beat a dead horse, but show, don’t tell.)
  • Read it outloud. If you really want to hear it, read it outloud with someone else. (You can also try using the voice on your computer to read it to you.)
  • Don’t use dialogue to dump information. (That’s lazy writing.) No soliloquys. People don’t talk like that, and if they did they would have no friends.
  • You don’t need all the hellos and good byes, or the small talk of real life, it’s boring and drags down the dialogue.
  • Characters generally sound better and think faster than we do. Be clever and funny, whenever possible.
  • Punctuate correctly – learn this. Doing it wrong is a giveaway that you are an amateur. There are lots of resources for this – study them.
  • You don’t have to give complete conversations. That’s too tedious for the reader. Jump in mid-conversation and jump out before it’s completed.
  • People have distinct speech patterns, but they may be subtle. Kids sound different than adults. Educated sounds different than uneducated. Think about who your characters are – none should sound the same. In fact, once we know our characters we should be able to tell who is talking by the way they talk.
  • My personal golden rule: Characters don’t waste words. If it doesn’t move the story forward or reveal character, cut it out.

I usually teach that in about 90 minutes with lots of examples and exercises, so if any of it doesn’t make sense, please raise your hand. I’m happy to expound on any of it.

Hey, thanks for reading. I know you’ve got lots of options, so thanks for sharing a few of your minutes with me.

Honored,

Cara

If you’re curious about what else I’m up to, check out my website, CaraWrites.com.

If you’d like to subscribe to my twice monthly emails, click here.

If you’re a dog lover, check out my other blog, Another Good Dog. And if you want to know what is really happening in the animal shelters in this country, visit, Who Will Let the Dogs Out, and subscribe to the blog/newsletter I write there. You can also support us, but signing up to bid in our fall online auction.

I’d love to connect with you on Facebook or Instagram, and I’m thrilled to get email from readers (and writers), you can reach me at carasueachterberg@gmail.com.

My latest novel, Blind Turn is a mother-daughter story of forgiveness in the aftermath of a fatal texting and driving accident. It won the Womens Fiction category of the American Writing Awards in 2022. Learn more about it and find out how to get your copy here.

My most recent memoir, 100 Dogs & Counting: One Woman, Ten Thousand Miles, and a Journey Into the Heart of Shelters and Rescues is available anywhere books are sold, but if you’d like some help finding it (or want to read some lovely reviews), click here.

The Inherent Danger in Perfectionism for Writers (and Humans)

This next chapter is a short one (they all are really because Lamott doesn’t mince words). The focus is perfectionism and the danger it poses toward you as a writer.

I would say it poses just as much a threat to you as a person.

Here’s what Lamott writes:

“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft.”

SO true, right?

Continue reading “The Inherent Danger in Perfectionism for Writers (and Humans)”

My Book Club of One: Bird by Bird

I miss having a book club. Since moving to the valley, I’ve been a reading club of one.

I did try to get a book club going in the early days, but meetings were rescheduled or hijacked by too much wine and one by one everyone dropped out. It died after a very short run in which I think we might have read four books (none that I remember well except the one about Elon Musk which I had to read while holding my nose).

Continue reading “My Book Club of One: Bird by Bird”

I’m Enough

I’m jumping off this crazy merry-go-round of publishing and promoting. Enough is never enough, but, you know, I am enough. #amwriting but #amdonepromoting

I’m losing my gumption for writing.

Or at least for publishing.

I can’t imagine myself ever not writing. The publishing part, though, it drains my soul.

As much as I want my stories to land on the hearts that need them, I am tired of how ‘less than’ publishing makes me feel.

It’s an incredibly competitive industry and one that is skewed towards the people who

Continue reading “I’m Enough”

Do You Want More Suspense in Your Life?

So many people have told me I have to read Catherine Ryan Hyde. So finally, I purchased one of her books – Stay.

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I read it on my kindle which is often not as good an experience for me as paper. It is harder for me to get a real sense of the book. I’m not sure why. Maybe I am a tactile person, but I think the cover, the heft, the quality of the actual book affect how I feel about a book. I just don’t have the same affection or love for an ebook as I do for a paper book.

Kindle aside, Continue reading “Do You Want More Suspense in Your Life?”

The Real Flannery O’Connor

I’m fostering a little dog named Flannery O’Connor.

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She’s a quirky little pup from the mountains on the Virginia-Tennessee border, so the name fits.

I spent an inordinate amount of time creating Continue reading “The Real Flannery O’Connor”

I Am Completely Beside Myself

The last few months have been a whirlwind of launching Another Good Dog into the world. It’s been beyond my wildest imagination, surprising me again and again.

I’ve done enough TV now that I’m finally getting better at not blinking so much while talking and actually answering the question that was asked (as opposed to rambling on in questionable English while my mind is screaming, “OMG – I’m on TV!”).

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I’ve even made peace with the fact that Continue reading “I Am Completely Beside Myself”

Getting Serious about Writing and YOU

Okay, it’s time to get serious about this writing gig. No more lolligogging about reading books about how to be a better writer. The excrement is about to hit the fan. I have a new book coming out June 6, 2017! We are now in the three-month countdown and I need YOU. (Yes, I’m serious. I’m tired of trying to do this all by myself.)

What? You don’t think there’s any way you can help? I beg to differ.

My first two novels, I’m Not Her and Girl’s Weekend have done well. There were plenty of lovely reviews from lovely people who took the time to read and then write about what they read. A bunch of other awesome people picked my book for their book club and then invited me to come to the meeting! That was super fun and luckily most everyone liked the book (there was this one grumpy lady….but even that was fun).

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Still other amazing people recommended my books or gave them as gifts. So all in all, both books did okay, even cracking the bestselling list on Barnes & Noble’s Nook and gracing the New & Notable section of Apple ibooks (right next to Hamilton!!).

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But this next book? I want it to do more than okay! Here’s what one famous writer (and you’ll have to either subscribe to my newsletter or buy the book to find out who!) said about Practicing Normal: Continue reading “Getting Serious about Writing and YOU”

Advice From Famous Writers

My son, who is also a writer, posted an article on Facebook that listed the most important writing advice from famous authors to young writers. It wasn’t what you’d expect. This was just off the cuff, what’s-your-best-advice-to-young-writers stuff. The advice was funny and seemed almost nonsensical. Until you thought about it. Take Zadie Smith’s advice:

Whenever you introduce a character, you don’t have to specify that they are wearing pants. Most readers will just assume that they are wearing pants unless you say otherwise.

Silly, right? Only it’s not. Because many times we writers think we need to spell out everything for our readers. We don’t trust them to use their own brains. Writing that holds a reader’s hand is exhausting. It gets bogged down in minutae. And truly, it’s kind of insulting to the reader.

I know I’m as guilty as anyone when it comes to stating the obvious. We want to be completely clear. (See what I did there? Ugh. Redundant, right? Like I can’t assume that when you read the word ‘clear’ you knew that it means completely clear. What else would it be? Something is either clear or not clear. Nevermind that the entire sentence is unnecessary as it’s only expounding on the previous sentence which wasn’t that complicated.)

Taping a note to my desk right now that says, “Assume they are wearing pants.”

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Then there was the advice from Haruki Murakami. He says,

Every time you write, ask yourself: Could this scene take place in a hot-air balloon? If the answer is yes, then it probably should.

Again, silly advice. Except it isn’t. If your scene could be more exciting, then it should be. Don’t be satisfied with just good enough. Can it happen in a hot air balloon? Great question!

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And no-less than George Saunders gives this advice:

When I first started getting some attention, stories published here and there, Don DeLillo took me aside and gave me some advice that ended up being very formative for me. He said, ‘George, if you keep breaking into my home to use my swimming pool, I’m going to have to call the police.’ I always thought that was really wise.

He really didn’t go where you thought he’d go with that, did he? But he has a point. None of this advice means diddily-squat, really. What works for some does not work for others. Don’t try to copy anybody else or be anybody else or swim in anybody else’s pool.

It’s very tempting to get wrapped up in learning the craft and studying other writers and reading every blog/website/article/book out there on writing, those things are important but in the end there’s only one thing that will make you write better—writing.

Put something down on paper. Hone it to the best of your ability. Then write something else. And don’t take others, or yourself, too seriously.